Church Conflict

How hidden power struggles, unaddressed conflict, and misplaced authority are weakening the body of Christ.

The Church in Canada is in trouble.

Dramatic, I know, but I couldn’t think of a more honest way to begin.

Churches in Canada, I have observed, are filled with some of the most childish and embarrassing conflict. If we are going to build the Church back up in Canada and win our nation back to God, we must repent of our ridiculous grasping and quarrelling.

James, the brother of our Lord said it best in Chapter 4 of his epistle:

“¹ What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? ² You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. ³ You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. ⁴ You adulterous people!”

Church folk in Canada are often behave in petty and controlling ways. To illustrate this I want to tell you about a church I had the privilege of pastoring.

This church was in trouble. I could see it from the moment I arrived. When I began serving there, most of the people were old enough to be my grandparents. They were kind, but clearly incapable of overcoming even minor conflict.

They had experienced a church split a little less than a decade before my arrival, and those who had remained stayed only because there was no other place for them to go. The board consisted of the chairman and secretary: a husband and wife who controlled everything. Another man who lived an hour drive away whose church had just permanently closed a year or two earlier (leaving him truly heartbroken and unable to move forward). Finally, a man who spent his winters away in the Caribbean (oh and did I mention that his wife refused to attend because she couldn’t get along with her niece who also happened to be the board Secretary mentioned above?).

This was the board. I’ll let you try to imagine what the rest of the congregation was like. Most of them, to be honest, including these that I have mentioned from the board were wonderful people. Truly. They were generous, most were very faithful in their attendance, and they had a desire to see their church do better. The problem was that each had their own idea of how the church could do better, and they didn’t agree. There was no willingness to be submissive to others. There was, on the part of the board, either a tired, exasperated unwillingness to push for any change, or there was a grasping desire for control.

There was an incident in this church before I arrived where a member offered to pay to have the flooring replaced in the sanctuary. The carpet that was in the sanctuary was the same carpet that had been there since the 70s and it was so ratty and damaged that all the seams had separated and it had even become dangerous as one seam was right at the top of the stairs (I often envisioned a dear old lady tripping and careening to her death on the way down to the restroom). One member offered to pay to have it removed, replaced with something nice, and to have it all done within a week so that it would not disturb the regular Sunday worship. This proposal was met with scorn and endless litigation. Rather than allow for someone to bless the church in this way, there was arguing about what should be put in and in the end the member threw up their hands and rescinded the offer.

Why was this offer rejected? Because one particular woman in the church would not yield an inch of control. It was her way or nothing. This kind of controlling attitude is unfortunately so common. Spend time in some of these churches that have been around for 50 years and you will often find a woman behind the pastor, elder, or board member who is the real power.

I want to offer a caveat here. I will mention women a lot in this article, and it is not my intent to be unfair or to pick on one particular group. I am merely outlining my observations. We live in a culture that is afraid to identify the sins of women for fear of being accused of sexism. But we must remember that women are capable of sin, and it’s a reality that some women have become proficient at manipulating well-meaning men. If you are a woman reading this, don’t read any negativity toward yourself unless you feel the conviction of the Spirit.

Many times it is not a woman. Often the controlling person is an older man who has been in charge for so long that he can’t imagine what his worth would be if he relinquished control to younger men. Sometimes it is a younger or middle-aged man who has bullied everyone in order to push his agenda. Most often, however, it is a cohort of older folks who have been part of the church for many decades and they will not consider that their approach may be the reason the church is declining.

In some of the most damaging examples, there is a woman, or a group of women who are “the power behind the throne.” In these churches there are one or two women who use their husbands like puppets to push their way into control. They get their husbands onto the board, or if their churches will allow it they will get onto the board themselves, and from that position they ensure that everything that happens is what they approve. No money is spent outside their approval. No Pastor is hired outside their approval.

This internal conflict and “power politics” often results in pastoral burnout. One of the big reasons for pastoral burnout is that churches hire men that they don’t respect, men the church believes it can control, and then they push them to a breaking point by manipulating them and keeping them from making any kind of helpful change. Pastors almost always come into a church with optimistic ideals, a great vision for what could be done better and a burning desire to care for and bless the congregation. In churches like this they struggle to last longer than 5 years because they are trying to make positive moves forward (changing the carpet) and they find roadblocks and complaining around every corner. When you can’t even make simple changes that are self-evidently better for everyone, you quickly become disheartened.

The reason the James passage is so helpful is that it describes the problem exactly. We vie for power. All of us, both men and women are prone to seeking power. When we get that power in the church, it is difficult to give it up. We desire, and this leads to conflict. Often this power seeking is with good intentions, but as time goes on the temptation to build our own reputation and control gets stronger.

The church in Canada is filled in many places with this grasping attitude. We are filled with infighting and power mongering. Often, Boards are full of political struggles. Sometimes, there are “hidden levers” who are in the background controlling everything from behind. Sometimes there is a man who sounds so reasonable and wise who manipulates large groups of congregants to rebel against their Elders and Pastors, shipwrecking the faith of some and splitting churches with their serpentine tongues.

God has given real authority in the church. He has established offices in His word: Pastors, Elders, and Deacons. We should not look at all the conflict and conclude that the church must have no leadership. What we must do is repent. We must repent of our power grabbing. We must repent of our desire for controlling through manipulation. We must repent of our refusal to take a submissive approach to our leaders. We are to submit to our Elders. Submission isn’t a bad or dirty word. We are to submit to Christ, Christ submitted to the will of His Father. Wives are called to submit to their own husbands. We are all commanded to submit to our elders and pastors.

Until the church in Canada takes a proper view of submission, the name of Christ will be blasphemed among the gentiles because of us.

If your church is having power struggles like what I have described, consider the possibility of getting outside help. Check out churchconsultantservices.ca